I’m off today and I’m entering a seven day stretch tomorrow. Honestly it’s a bit much for me these days, over the Black Friday weekend, but I will take it one day at a time. It’s a transition for me and the first in awhile that I’m back on the sales floor after the hiring mania is coming to an end. I’m looking for a few key positions to fill, but for the most part I am done and will emerge myself amongst the crazy and impatient crowds that often lack the holiday spirit. Since October 6th, my return from Germany, I hired eighty plus new team members. Phew, it’s been busy, and being back on my feet all day, will be a good test on how the RA will adapt and make my body feel. It wasn’t as demanding over the past few weeks with more sitting and rest periods, which helped keep it at bay. There’s been changes and some news with the progress of fighting this chronic illness and another chapter is waiting to be explored. I will detail it in another post and we shall see.
Thanksgiving is upon us and I’m pausing to give thanks to the many wonderful things in my life. Although life is far from perfect, it could always be worse and I don’t forget how blessed I am. Life will always be a work in progress, sometimes smooth and sometimes rocky. Trust the journey, as either will lead you down the path you are meant to take. It might just take a little longer to reach your goal. If you can learn to walk without resistance, you might even enjoy to see what’s next and await each chapter with anticipation and wonder. You roll with the punches during the bad ones, and the good ones, you come to appreciate on a much deeper level.
The holidays automatically make my mind reflect on my home (Germany) and Mom. Mom never complained as I was growing up, at least not that I remember and even now she keeps it to a minimum. Dad had passed suddenly in an freak accident at work, and I couldn’t tell you if we struggled and what worries filled our days. I don’t know what life was like for her in a daily basis. She kept it all so well hidden from me, as if wanting a childhood free of troubles for me. Mom cried alone and although I had everything I needed in the sense of material things, I was not oblivious to how different my life was compared to the kids who still had Daddy by their side. I miss you both these days.
The closest Mom ever came to complaining was when I heard her say “I’m just gonna run away some day”. I was too young to understand what she meant, and that she said it due to immense pressures. That it was due to the same issues that never found resolve, which made her stuck in a vicious cycle. No, she never explained, nor has she mentioned any of it, but I know. I didn’t understand until that very thought crossed my mind years and years later. And all of a sudden I remembered Mom saying it. Sometimes life has a way to catch us off guard and we get tired of searching for solutions and answers that are not yet ready to be revealed. Everything is balance and timing and sometimes it’s hard to be patient. I can’t help but wonder what it would really look like to just up and run away. Would it be closing the door to your old life while opening the door to a new one? Are things ever perfect and what does perfect even mean? Have you ever thought about it? For myself I know that nothing would be solved by running from my problems and the only way to obtain freedom from those burdens is to deal with them. I would imagine that even if you ran, your problems would find you and nothing would change. I think Mom knew too, plus she had me as a main reason to stay. Maybe it is the cause for a little resentment she holds today along with the thoughts of me leaving her behind. I couldn’t do for her what she did to me and I moved to a different country that is far, far away.
In the end I have to conclude that no matter how hard and tough my life might be, I’m not here to run. I’m a warrior and this is a warriors journey. None of it is ever just smooth sailing. I’m ready for a little break and a few more lessons of the peaceful kind, but I give thanks to the ones that stretched me.
I’m thankful for every person in my life, for each has served his/her own purpose, even through the painful memories.
I’m grateful for each day and each new opportunity to try and get it right. I have yet to find what that looks like, but I rest easy knowing that I give it my all and that my intentions are pure.
I accept that not everybody agrees with me and that there will always be people who can care less.
I appreciate diversity and the opportunity to learn from people who are different than me. I revel in the moments I was allowed to bring positivity to someone’s life.
I’m honored for the times I have given someone hope and for the opportunity to make a difference.
Lastly, I’m grateful for this wonderful community and all of you who make a difference in my life. Discovering all of you has been something that enriched my life in many ways and I give thanks for all of you.
I hope you find time to spend with family and loved ones on this thanksgiving day and always. Life is tough but you too are blessed and have much to be thankful for. I hope you always know and feel valued and appreciated.
Happy Thanksgiving my friends. Xo
Dad and me with Grandpa on the left. That face though haha.