Posted in Chronic illness, Health

Could it be?

If you have followed me for some time, you know that I don’t buy into mass belief and the conventional ways that often dilute our very existence. Today, many days pass with me listening closer to my gut feeling, a hunch and an intuition that comes out of nowhere, or the signs my body is trying to tell me. I pause to listen and try my best to never get too busy again to ignore these signs.

Here is a movie trailer from E-Motion that my friend Gisela sent me. It speaks to every fiber of my existence.  I know it is the answer for me and it might be for you as well. It’s definitely worth checking out and the full movie is free over the weekend. I think more people need to see this and it needs to be paid forward. You might find a few answers, perhaps even alternate choices we all should have when it comes to being the directors of our own lives and having a say so.


Posted in Pets


Just a quick weekend critter greeting from me, Luna. Hopefully everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving and many fond memories. As for me, just make sure you give me a delicious meal and I’m pretty much set. I do admit that I’m kinda food motivated and I eat a lot. I always hear them say “Where do you put it all”? Hehehe….

Posted in Chronic illness, My story

Morning peace and humble moments

Boy, do I enjoy mornings like these. The sunlight is coming through the patio door and is casting it’s comforting, warmth on my body. I slept in and tried to rest as much as possible, after I finally made it to bed at 2:30AM last night. Here I am, sipping my morning coffee while allowing myself to ease into the day. Don’t you just love moments like these?

I have less than two hours before I have to get ready for work and tackle day two out of seven. Without a doubt it’s a daunting task for me these days and yesterday was nuts. It was busy as expected, but also crowd controlled with the help of proper staffing. I did my job and our team is for the most part full. For me it was the first day back to running around non stop and my body sure felt the change. I easily got my 10K plus steps in yesterday, but my feet ached and my sciatic nerve decided to act up. I couldn’t sleep without a few painkillers which are always a last resort, and for the first time in awhile the joints feel stiffer getting up today. I’m anticipating how all will develop in a few days, and if it’s just the rust chipping off to get myself back into more motion, or if this type of work truly has seen the best of me in passing times. Honestly, I think I already know the answer, but it is what it is for now until the proper changes can fall into place.

Life continues to amaze me and the past few years have been filled with so many lessons. I often don’t know where I know things from, and where that familiarity is coming from. How it all happened and how this wisdom was bestowed upon me. I have read books about “Old Souls” and the words resonate with what I have found. I know my soul has been here before, and I’m here again to perhaps get it right this time, to complete the journey the way it was fit. Still at times, I wonder where the trust stems from that allows intuition to grow and feel the comfort by simply allowing things to unfold. Every day brings something new in this journey, something never experienced before, and somehow it feels like I have been here before and everything is how it’s meant to be. Every action and every occurrence, steers me further into the choices that have to be made to explore the vast opportunities that are yet to come. Somehow there is always guidance in some form or another. May it be from spirit animals encountered, tarot cards, the people in our lives that each serve a purpose or by simply being open to see the path and the answers. In either way timing remains to be key. Everything has to be in divine order, otherwise it might not make sense and we are unable to take away the lessons and the signs that lie at the bottom of our feet. It really is amazing how complex and how beautiful everything can be. How easily things can take on a different turn and are just a hair away from a complete different ending. The awareness of this and other things around me has grown immensely and I believe it has allowed me to become more grateful and appreciative. Especially when it comes to all the good in my life. It has allowed me to be more grateful while harboring enough consideration that things could easily be different. It has allowed me to feel on a deeper level and count my blessings with more purpose. And that again, in turn is what I’m grateful for. To feel so intensive which leaves me addicted like it was a drug. I want to be able to feel it with eyes wide open and let it set each sense on fire.

I’m at a huge crossroads when it comes to my chronic illness the RA and my body is sending clear messages that my path has to change. I could force myself to keep traveling the same road by ingesting harsh drugs, which would in return merely block the symptoms and placing a bandaid on the issue at hand. It’s not good enough for me and my usually humble personality can’t settle on this and wants it all. It never seemed like a good fit for me and it is even more so now that I don’t believe this to be my truths. I don’t need a cover up and I know that Big Pharma won’t treat the cause of the turmoil within, that is making itself known in the form of a chronic ailment. Another sign arrived yesterday from my dear friend Gisela, bringing just the added reassurance to keep going on the path I already felt within my heart. I will write another post about it soon to solicit your feedback and to see what you think about it. I know I have other friends here at WordPress who might had to come to terms with the same choices as I have now. I would love to here your thoughts.

Xoxo 🦋💙

Picture courtesy of Pinterest

Posted in Photography

Stormy Pasture II

I was torn between this and the other picture I posted the other day and decided to make a part II. You can decide which one you like better and whether the landscape or the portrait one will win your vote. I think they are both unique and special in their own way, but it was definitely the sky that made the shot. I hope you enjoy.

Posted in Holidays, Inspiration

Happy Thanksgiving

It’s Thanksgiving day and it’s time to pause a little longer and give extra thanks to all the wonders in my life. I don’t know if there is such a thing as the perfect life and chances are there will always be things that I would want to change. I think we constantly evolve and life is a journey, which makes this process only natural. I trust that everything is how it is meant to be while I embrace this journey that is ever changing.

I came across this video today and it speaks to me in the sense of compassion, lending a hand to each other and embracing diversity. I think it’s perfect for today, the day we should remember to give thanks to the many blessings in our lives.

Today I remember that I’m given an extraordinary life. I’m blessed with opportunities unique to me and it is up to me to muster the courage to pursue such. It’s up to me to choose the wild choice and go against the grain of convention. I am the director of my own destiny and I can see the future. It leaves me with excitement and the more it scares me due to the unknown, the more it will set me free. It is up to me how long I remain in each state, as only I can determine if it fulfills my soul or if I’m merely passing through.

So when it comes to the perfect life, I take a moment and pause today. I give thanks to all I have instead of focusing on the things that might appear missing. Everything is in divine order and I’m grateful for it all.

Happy Thanksgiving…

Posted in Photography

Stormy pasture

For a moment I thought that this would have to do for Roda’s critter challenge . I was determined to participate and those where the first critters encountered. They were huge Texas Longhorn mixed with regular cattle and the sky was perfect for a dramatic picture. Which brings me to the next challenge from the beautiful Dragon keeper Linda who has started a black and white photo challenge. And then Luna, our guinea pig came to mind and I posted a picture of Miss personality herself. But just wait until you see next week what critter I ran into. I’m still stoked and guesses are accepted. Until then….. tooodlelooo.

Posted in Holidays, My story

Thanksgiving thoughts

I’m off today and I’m entering a seven day stretch tomorrow. Honestly it’s a bit much for me these days, over the Black Friday weekend, but I will take it one day at a time. It’s a transition for me and the first in awhile that I’m back on the sales floor after the hiring mania is coming to an end. I’m looking for a few key positions to fill, but for the most part I am done and will emerge myself amongst the crazy and impatient crowds that often lack the holiday spirit. Since October 6th, my return from Germany, I hired eighty plus new team members. Phew, it’s been busy, and being back on my feet all day, will be a good test on how the RA will adapt and make my body feel. It wasn’t as demanding over the past few weeks with more sitting and rest periods, which helped keep it at bay. There’s been changes and some news with the progress of fighting this chronic illness and another chapter is waiting to be explored. I will detail it in another post and we shall see.

Thanksgiving is upon us and I’m pausing to give thanks to the many wonderful things in my life. Although life is far from perfect, it could always be worse and I don’t forget how blessed I am. Life will always be a work in progress, sometimes smooth and sometimes rocky. Trust the journey, as either will lead you down the path you are meant to take. It might just take a little longer to reach your goal. If you can learn to walk without resistance, you might even enjoy to see what’s next and await each chapter with anticipation and wonder. You roll with the punches during the bad ones, and the good ones, you come to appreciate on a much deeper level.

The holidays automatically make my mind reflect on my home (Germany) and Mom. Mom never complained as I was growing up, at least not that I remember and even now she keeps it to a minimum. Dad had passed suddenly in an freak accident at work, and I couldn’t tell you if we struggled and what worries filled our days. I don’t know what life was like for her in a daily basis. She kept it all so well hidden from me, as if wanting a childhood free of troubles for me. Mom cried alone and although I had everything I needed in the sense of material things, I was not oblivious to how different my life was compared to the kids who still had Daddy by their side. I miss you both these days.

The closest Mom ever came to complaining was when I heard her say “I’m just gonna run away some day”. I was too young to understand what she meant, and that she said it due to immense pressures. That it was due to the same issues that never found resolve, which made her stuck in a vicious cycle. No, she never explained, nor has she mentioned any of it, but I know. I didn’t understand until that very thought crossed my mind years and years later. And all of a sudden I remembered Mom saying it. Sometimes life has a way to catch us off guard and we get tired of searching for solutions and answers that are not yet ready to be revealed. Everything is balance and timing and sometimes it’s hard to be patient. I can’t help but wonder what it would really look like to just up and run away. Would it be closing the door to your old life while opening the door to a new one? Are things ever perfect and what does perfect even mean? Have you ever thought about it? For myself I know that nothing would be solved by running from my problems and the only way to obtain freedom from those burdens is to deal with them. I would imagine that even if you ran, your problems would find you and nothing would change. I think Mom knew too, plus she had me as a main reason to stay. Maybe it is the cause for a little resentment she holds today along with the thoughts of me leaving her behind. I couldn’t do for her what she did to me and I moved to a different country that is far, far away.

In the end I have to conclude that no matter how hard and tough my life might be, I’m not here to run. I’m a warrior and this is a warriors journey. None of it is ever just smooth sailing. I’m ready for a little break and a few more lessons of the peaceful kind, but I give thanks to the ones that stretched me.

I’m thankful for every person in my life, for each has served his/her own purpose, even through the painful memories.

I’m grateful for each day and each new opportunity to try and get it right. I have yet to find what that looks like, but I rest easy knowing that I give it my all and that my intentions are pure.

I accept that not everybody agrees with me and that there will always be people who can care less.

I appreciate diversity and the opportunity to learn from people who are different than me. I revel in the moments I was allowed to bring positivity to someone’s life.

I’m honored for the times I have given someone hope and for the opportunity to make a difference.

Lastly, I’m grateful for this wonderful community and all of you who make a difference in my life. Discovering all of you has been something that enriched my life in many ways and I give thanks for all of you.

I hope you find time to spend with family and loved ones on this thanksgiving day and always. Life is tough but you too are blessed and have much to be thankful for. I hope you always know and feel valued and appreciated.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends. Xo

Dad and me with Grandpa on the left. That face though haha.

Posted in Inspiration, Life

The best version

Tonight I’m reminding myself that people will always come and go.

If you’re lucky, you managed to make a friend for life. You are richer than many. 💙

If not, be grateful for the lessons they brought and for the times they stood by your side when you needed someone to be there. Even if it was only temporary.

Don’t forget to stay true to yourself throughout the process of transformation. Don’t change a thing and remember that the right people will love and accept you for you are. You are perfect in every way. Believe it…

You have no one to impress, other than yourself. Be proud of who you are. Embrace the challenges that you have conquered and celebrate the goals you have achieved.

Strive to be the best version of yourself without copying others. Be unique and original. Be YOU tiful you.

Everyone else is already taken.

Posted in Pets

Baby Pictures

She was such a tiny little fur ball and here is one of her Baby Pictures. That leftover remnant of material which ultimately became her blanket was the best thing ever that I could give her. It’s her favorite and probably her most treasured possession. She loves her blanket and she is grateful each time it returns from the wash. It’s always the same ritual as it undergoes careful inspection. New tunnels need to be burrowed and it has to be exactly how she sees it fit. As mentioned before she thinks she is a little person and sometimes it’s hard not to think that she is miming you. You go to bed, she goes to bed. At night she is fully submerged and wrapped up in her blanket. All you see is a little lump underneath. You wake up, she gets up. You eat, you better believe that she will want a snack. She even knows what the bathroom is for. While you do your business, she most likely will sit on the floor next to the toilet, trying to do her thing if you let her in. She is without a doubt a little character.