Posted in Chronic illness, My story

Morning peace and humble moments

Boy, do I enjoy mornings like these. The sunlight is coming through the patio door and is casting it’s comforting, warmth on my body. I slept in and tried to rest as much as possible, after I finally made it to bed at 2:30AM last night. Here I am, sipping my morning coffee while allowing myself to ease into the day. Don’t you just love moments like these?

I have less than two hours before I have to get ready for work and tackle day two out of seven. Without a doubt it’s a daunting task for me these days and yesterday was nuts. It was busy as expected, but also crowd controlled with the help of proper staffing. I did my job and our team is for the most part full. For me it was the first day back to running around non stop and my body sure felt the change. I easily got my 10K plus steps in yesterday, but my feet ached and my sciatic nerve decided to act up. I couldn’t sleep without a few painkillers which are always a last resort, and for the first time in awhile the joints feel stiffer getting up today. I’m anticipating how all will develop in a few days, and if it’s just the rust chipping off to get myself back into more motion, or if this type of work truly has seen the best of me in passing times. Honestly, I think I already know the answer, but it is what it is for now until the proper changes can fall into place.

Life continues to amaze me and the past few years have been filled with so many lessons. I often don’t know where I know things from, and where that familiarity is coming from. How it all happened and how this wisdom was bestowed upon me. I have read books about “Old Souls” and the words resonate with what I have found. I know my soul has been here before, and I’m here again to perhaps get it right this time, to complete the journey the way it was fit. Still at times, I wonder where the trust stems from that allows intuition to grow and feel the comfort by simply allowing things to unfold. Every day brings something new in this journey, something never experienced before, and somehow it feels like I have been here before and everything is how it’s meant to be. Every action and every occurrence, steers me further into the choices that have to be made to explore the vast opportunities that are yet to come. Somehow there is always guidance in some form or another. May it be from spirit animals encountered, tarot cards, the people in our lives that each serve a purpose or by simply being open to see the path and the answers. In either way timing remains to be key. Everything has to be in divine order, otherwise it might not make sense and we are unable to take away the lessons and the signs that lie at the bottom of our feet. It really is amazing how complex and how beautiful everything can be. How easily things can take on a different turn and are just a hair away from a complete different ending. The awareness of this and other things around me has grown immensely and I believe it has allowed me to become more grateful and appreciative. Especially when it comes to all the good in my life. It has allowed me to be more grateful while harboring enough consideration that things could easily be different. It has allowed me to feel on a deeper level and count my blessings with more purpose. And that again, in turn is what I’m grateful for. To feel so intensive which leaves me addicted like it was a drug. I want to be able to feel it with eyes wide open and let it set each sense on fire.

I’m at a huge crossroads when it comes to my chronic illness the RA and my body is sending clear messages that my path has to change. I could force myself to keep traveling the same road by ingesting harsh drugs, which would in return merely block the symptoms and placing a bandaid on the issue at hand. It’s not good enough for me and my usually humble personality can’t settle on this and wants it all. It never seemed like a good fit for me and it is even more so now that I don’t believe this to be my truths. I don’t need a cover up and I know that Big Pharma won’t treat the cause of the turmoil within, that is making itself known in the form of a chronic ailment. Another sign arrived yesterday from my dear friend Gisela, bringing just the added reassurance to keep going on the path I already felt within my heart. I will write another post about it soon to solicit your feedback and to see what you think about it. I know I have other friends here at WordPress who might had to come to terms with the same choices as I have now. I would love to here your thoughts.

Xoxo 🦋💙

Picture courtesy of Pinterest

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one. I am the one holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but has purpose. I’ve made mistakes, and I see them as a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time. In a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off of the hamster wheel to change my future. I didn’t land all that softly, but I still did it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of memories and I chase moments, instead of martial stuff. Less is more, and I prefer quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. Talking about free, I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. I find myself going against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you find a way, you soon realize that it is the only way to not lose who you are.
My past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But now I believe that the past is history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end I realize that we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard, to be accepted, and to find our spot in life. We try hard to fit in, some to the point of acting out of character, playing by the rules of what we think society expects of us. Until we wake one day, feeling empty and lost, with our life passing right in front of us. It’s never too late to change your stars, and it was my toughest moments, who turned out to be my greatest teachers.
They say that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it was darkness who has shown me the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

4 thoughts on “Morning peace and humble moments

  1. I admire the insight, as you have in your own health, Rhapsody 🙂
    I could wish to develop the same and until then, I just try to learn by my experiences from the summer. There must be something, as I should learn from that.
    Yes, we are several, as will need to make choices…

    Like

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