Posted in Inspiration, Life

Warp speed

Time is racing for me lately and it’s hard to believe that I will be boarding the big one (plane) on Sunday. High above the clouds I will find myself en route to Germany and already I can picture it in my mind. I hope that time slows a bit once I’m there and that it won’t pass in the blink of an eye. I’m taking a little journal to record the days, to use it for entries, pictures and special moments. I might even be able to convince my little nieces to write something in it for me. It will become one of a kind, a special keepsake. Kind of like a poetry book I once had in school. It was meant to be passed around form every schoolmate to every teacher and two pages were dedicated to the person you had given it too. One page would hold a picture or drawing of some sort while the opposite page was filled with a handwritten poem and well wishes for your future. I still have mine tucked away in a special place in Germany and I’m sure I will dig it out once I’m home. I have done so each time and for the most part it is my Dad’s poem that I revisit. I know it by heart but I have to touch the pages and the writing of the pen that once was gliding across the paper to leave these beautiful heartfelt markings. To this day his words touch my heart and I never swayed from his advice. Today was pretty much my last day off and my vacation starts on Saturday. These last days are filled with work and errands, notes and reminders scratched on paper. Here and there one might get scratched out, and I manage to steal time for this blog and staying connected somewhat. I had my appointment with the rheumatologist last week. It was a wake up call to sit in the waiting room. Most people were older than me, but in bad shape. Walking on crutches, all I had to do is look at their swollen knuckles and I could relate to their pain without a word being necessary. Some were hunched over and unable to stand up straight, others needed help, each one with the same pain in their eyes. My heart sank, for them and the pain that must be endured with such an ugly disease. Was this my future I wondered, already there in some respects but still feeling strong to fight and not letting it become my destiny. How foolish to think that I had any choice in this matter. I’m sure that the people in the waiting room weren’t happy about their circumstances either. Perhaps they once felt the same as I did, putting up the best fight possible and the ugly disease still won. Once again the oracle card came to mind and I remembered. Rock Bottom – surrender and let go of all control. Don’t fight it, but be prepared for a new start. It was in that moment that I let go. I surrendered and let myself fall, unafraid and I just knew that my faith would catch me. Later on that day I sent the email and declined the chance of promoting. 

The doctor was a nurse practitioner and I liked her. She listened to all my symptoms, carefully noting them and ordering a barrage of tests. She wasn’t going to prescribe anything until the test results were in and I already like her. She listened to my vantage points about pharmaceuticals and I told her about my fear of the long trip to Germany. In the end she asked me and prescribed steroids just in case things got worse and to hold the disease at bay until I get back. I have not started taking them and I should to let them kick in, but I have also started to take something natural and I guess I’m still hoping to see a difference there. Since my rheumatologist visit, I’ve been running around to get my hands and wrists x-rayed and for a moment I feared that she would tell me that I can’t write anymore. Today I finally managed to to get my blood work done. It took two attempts, (who know these tests are only performed Monday through Thursday and have to be done before 11 AM…further wasted time) 11 different tests, and 7 vials of blood. Plus an arm and a leg as far as the cost. Now it’s time to wait and see if there will be answers and what comes next. 

I have been talking about the seriousness of my trip to Germany, but I also believe that it will be a lot different this time. I feel I have grown in many ways, but mostly in my spiritual journey and feeling firsthand that things can change in an instance. I feel that there is an even deeper appreciation and sense of wonder, something unlike anything I felt before. Good has come from the RA, even though it’s been painful, but it has stretched me even further. It helped me listen to myself, to put myself first and to finally find the courage to follow through. To take a stand for myself and to say that this is not how I see my future. To make whatever time is left count, for we never know how much time is left. It helped me become more appreciative, to pause even more, and to truly try to live life vs. existing. I want more these days than just to exist, and I have a hunger that is being redirected towards what should have always mattered the most. The difference now is that I CAN DO IT and I’m not tied down with financial responsibilities. So in going home, I know that I will breath deeper than I ever have before. And so it is that although some things are daunting and downright scary, my soul will nourish as it returns back home. 

And while I would tell you to never say never, I painted this one during a time when I believed that certain things don’t need to be repeated. Do not be taken a fool, ever again, to not allow being taken advantage of or taken for granted. It comes full circle even more so and the meaning of it continues to grow. It is sealed with my fingerprint in the flower petals, vowing to be strong and to…. Never again. 🦋💙

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Author:

I'm a dreamer and hopeless romantic who believes that there is always a silver lining to everything. Now, inspired by the simple life, I have learned that less is more and that we find magic all around us if we take the time to notice. Life is a journey and a process that is ever changing. We are constantly evolving in the matter of who we are as we align our stars and shed a past no longer in line with our highest self. I don't easily fit conventional norms, not because I'm a rebel, but because of resenting the pull that threatens to take me away from my true beliefs and my unique personal identity. I support the power of "Choice" and the ability for us to be the architects of our own lives. Some of these choices should have something a little wild about them as they form the moments that forever stay edged in our memory and make our hearts beat with wonder. Nobody will remember the ordinary. For myself, I'm a warrior who has fallen many times, who has gone through trails an tribulations and who is no stranger to adversity. After all, my choice remains clear, to get back up and stand stronger than ever. To recognize that it often takes our darkest moments to mold us into who we were meant to be. I have learned to trust the process and stay positive through the challenges. I trust it to be the only way to prevent my heart from hardening and allowing bitterness to creep in. I believe in the power of "NOW" as it is the only moment we truly ever have. The past is gone, unchangeable and the future hasn't happened yet. All we can impact is the current moment. Everything starts with a choice and hopefully with one that has something wild about it and may even scare you to death to execute. DO IT...I promise you won't regret it. This blog is my voice to share my Journey. If I could describe this adventure in short, I would call it "Spiritual awakening" with a yearning for "Freedom" and going after the things that truly matter. To seek a less complicated life that is stripped down from the many obligations and responsibilities that often tie us down. For me it is a life free of rules and regulations, one that allows me to escape the must expectations while jumping off the hamster wheel that is spinning faster all the time. To be on my own time and live each day to the fullest, to make it all slow down by banishing routine and unleashing my creativity/artistic values in an effort to entertain whatever subject comes to mind. And if lucky, to perhaps offer a different view to my readers, one that speaks to your soul vs. the demands of what society might expect. It is one that empowers you to be your unique self and follow the beat of your own drum. I am dreaming big as I trail blaze the path to a new life and becoming a storyteller. I find my inspiration in the little things in life, in Mother Nature and on the trail that provides the adventures and the backdrop for a book someday. My hope is to inspire "Courage" in others who might find themselves on the brink of taking that first step. This blog serves as a foundation for my collection of personal thoughts, opinions and experiences and by no means am I an expert on any topics mentioned. To my readers I would say that the universe connects us by a common thread, we all search and we all have something to say. We don't always have to meet in person to share a strong bond and people enter our path for a reason. Some stay for a short time and serve their purpose, while others teach us a lesson and help us become stronger through experience. And a few special ones remain as the treasures we hold dear over a lifetime and touch our hearts beyond means. In whatever way we are meant to be, I thank you for crossing my path and for stopping by. I hope that I have left you inspired, full of wonder and with a few "Wild Choices" to make....Hugs XO

23 thoughts on “Warp speed

  1. I hope, pray, wish, send all the best to you my friend.
    May your trip be fulfilling in the way you wish and need it to be and may you travel safely and happily back.
    Lots of love 🌺

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I didn’t realize you had RA. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this type of pain. I know you will do everything in your power to hold it at bay. RA doesn’t know what it is up against! Sending you healing thoughts and 🤗 s and 😘 s

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much my friend and yes it’s been painful and acting up. Stress always triggers it and I have unresolved issues with life.im working on the solutions with Germany etc. and we shall see. Thank you so much for cheering me on and standing by my side in the fight. You’re right, I won’t give in easy and I find purpose and strengths in the wonderful people such as yourself and my symbolic war bonnet 😉. Hugs right back to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Unbelievable that we will sit in planes going opposite directions that Sunday. I’ll be in Oregon for ten days. How long will you spend time in the “Heimat”? I hope so much we have the opportunity to meet. I wish you safe travels, my friend! And then a blessed, peaceful, heartwarming, mind soothing time over her. Bring a warm jacket, you will need it! Marcus

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Brrr I saw but I’m hoping for Altweibersommer 😉. I too hope we get to say hi and meet for coffee or something like that. I have to buy my mug from you lol, but that’s all secondary and I hope we find the time. It already feels like it will be over before I know it, but I’ll try to make the best out of it and seize every moment. I hope. I leave early on the 5th of October.
      Thank you for all your kind words my friend. I will wave to the sky as our paths cross and wish you a safe flight as well. Many hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Now this is not too bad news 😀 I’ll be back in Frankenland on Sep 29 and will travel out only on Oct 6, so we have a few days to make it happen and so I can give you your mug (give like in “present/gift”). You can text/call me under 0160 8856681 or reach me via the blog. Would be great 😀👍!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is great news Marcus and I would love to see you. I don’t have any details yet and will only have wifi at my cousins house to get a message to you but I can call also from my moms house. I’m afraid my iPhone won’t work in Germany and I guess I’ll have to do without. I’ll be in touch for sure. Have a safe trip

        Liked by 1 person

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