Evening glow at Point Lobos State Reserve. The golden hour….
The perfect place to swim with MERMAIDS,
Ride a UNICORN,
Whisper to FAIRIES,
Gaze at the stars and smile at the man in the MOON.
This quote made me pause today and the artist side in me found it fitting to pair up with this picture. I took it on my birthday this week and my initial thought was “Here we go 53, what’s next”. I kept the picture dark on purpose to signify the dark times, the mysteries and the things unresolved. It’s not that I feel a dark period looming over me, but a few things are definitely unresolved, and from time to time, I think that it is normal that we all experience moments of questions and a lack for answers. For instance, the upcoming Germany trip brings many mixed emotions and I wish I could say I’m going home for pleasure and vacation. That I’m lucky to be able to go, but in fact much remains out in the open when it comes to my Mom, which ultimately will affect my future as well. I guess I’m a bit nervous even though I know it’s much needed and I hope some clarity will find it’s way into our lives. I noticed other changes within my family, things I’m unsure of at the moment and things that currently present a certain tension. I drew my third oracle card the other day, “Sad Embrace” and will do a separate post on it. It was probably the most challenging card I have received so far, even a bit frightening, but again everything comes down to perception and the meaning I finally have come to terms with to be fitting for me at this time. I have to trust and believe that the universe is working on a miracle for me right. It’s happening right now, every day and sometimes we miss all the little miracles we are blessed with all together. I have to trust that it has known the path all along, way before I could ever see it and that this journey is as unique as the stars are in the night sky. What’s not to embrace?
Advice to self:
So when darkness and uncertainty strikes, remember to trust the light within and know that the universe always has a plan.
It was during my birthday hike and exactly one week from the first sighting that the snake made yet another appearance. Sitting on the rock, our feet in the water, we unexpectedly gazed off into the distance to breath in the landscape of one of my favorite places. Huh, wow, a quick startle, pulling our feet swiftly from the water, a water snake was right around our feet. It got startled as much as we did as it shot off to get some distance between us. Our eyes still peeled on the water, in the direction it had vanished, we saw it make a comeback. Head out of the water, red tongue flicking it’s body appeared coiled as if in striking position. Strange and eerie, this was now the second time that I felt pursuit by a snake. Another one came straight for me down a hill last year which was just as eerie and weird. Shouldn’t they just hush away, shy of humans, go hide and avoid contact and conflict? Not that one, and it came ashore on the rock right next to me, strange. It slowly slithered up on the rock, all while watching me and me not taking my eyes off of it, it soaked up the rays. It could have gone anywhere, on any other rock, but no, right there next to me it had to sit. Weird right?
Two weeks in a row now that there has been a snake sighting and a reminder that more change is yet to come. The last time all the snakes made an appearance, was in 2014 when I almost stepped on one, fell and dislocated my elbow and left the ugly beauty store. I know it will be something big again and let’s hope it’s not in the form of bodily harm.
Change does not have to be a bad thing if we can embrace it.
The signs remain strong, and if anything, they might have become more frequent, but haven’t let up in any way. These days, there is never a doubt and nothing is left to coincidence. Everything unfolds at what seems to be the perfect time and how it is meant to be. I don’t question fate and everything has meaning and finds it’s purpose along the path of my journey. Ready to reveal itself and ready to be noticed, it is an adventure and a very personal experience. The journey fills with moments of recognizing what is meant to be noticed. It could be something out of the ordinary or something that simply all of a sudden makes sense. It’s a feeling of knowing, a reassurance in times of doubt, while yet in others, it is the guidance needed to show me the next step, waiting to be taken. The timing is perfect, whether it is understood or hard to realize and nothing appears out of the perfect timeframe and in the wrong moment. I’m not even sure if I fully understand the last sentence myself and it entails great detail, depths and complexity. It goes back to an old quote that the teacher appears when the student is ready and without interference and trying to alter the outcome, I choose to allow things to unfold on their own terms. That doesn’t mean that I always understand the things that might not be favorable, but I always believe that I’m ready to learn the lesson that they bring. I’m wondering if these signs have always been there and how many times I have missed them in prior years. I know that my awareness has grown during my period of self growth, and with more awareness these signs are easier to notice. From the spirit animals that randomly make their appearance, to synchronicity that quite frequently belongs into my day to day life, I’m aware with a sharpness unmatched and at a level never felt before.
On a recent hike, three spirit animals entered my life in a very unusual way.
First came a frog that hoped out from underneath the brush and sat directly in front of me. You could think it would have waited for me to pass, shy, laying low, but instead it jumped in front of me and paused. Even while standing upon him, he remained still and did not move. The symbolic meaning stands for cleansing, rebirth, renewal, transformation, metamorphosis, life mysteries and ancient wisdom. Should I be surprised anymore?
The second one was a snake in the water and within a close distance, peeking it’s head out while looking at me. A symbolic sign for change and that it is time to shed my skin to emerge a sleeker version of myself. Metaphorically, for letting go or losing the old in order to start anew. A smoother life lies ahead.
Lastly was the dragonfly landing on my arm and just hanging out. More signs of my personal journey and transformation to reach my full potential. Metamorphosis and the search for personal authenticity, symbolic of the light but also the illusions. Raising awareness of false deception and intentions.
Life happens fast sometimes. I’m ready for what’s next….
This picture was taken earlier this week during my birthday hike. Dragonflies have come into my life in an abundance of numbers. A few weeks ago one landed on my arm and they have been a constant companion for me not only on my hikes, but also by encountering them in normal day to day places.
One of the biggest symbolic meaning of the dragonfly is change and adaptability. It seems like the universe is sending me constant signals to reassure me that everything is normal and that I can do it. 😉💙🦋🐛
My Mom’s birthday was on the 19th of July and with a nine hour time difference to Germany it’s not always easy to plan a call. I stayed up the night of the 18th into the 19th and it was already passed midnight as I attempted my first call to reach her. Call after call, all I received was a busy signal and for a moment I contemplated if she might had taken the phone of the hook so she could sleep in. Mom sleeps later these days and like me tinkers around late at night. Close to 1 AM, I was ready to give up but told myself to try one more time. I’m glad I did, because low and behold there was actually a ring tone this time and the line wasn’t busy. Shortly afterwards she answered and right away I felt that she was in good spirits. She was bubbly, laughed and didn’t stop talking. I listened as she seemingly had much to say and informed me proudly that she arranged a get together with some of her cousins and her sister at Colmberg Castle. It’s an old fortress near my home that is privately owned and has been turned into a hotel and guesthouse (restaurant). I spent a night there last year and it is a regular place of interest when I’m home. She was beyond excited of going and my heart was truly happy for her. I wanted something memorable for her special day and she managed to arrange it all on her own. She wouldn’t be sitting in the house all alone today and I was relieved and happy for her. My mind and my heart was at peace, knowing that she was taken care of. But there was also a lesson, and the awareness that my feelings are always in turmoil when it comes to the issue of my mom and the things that remain unresolved about the future.
A few weeks ago my girlfriend in Germany suggested to me to come home and assess the situation. My mom shouldn’t be alone anymore and a transition for me to Germany is time consuming and very complicated. It’s tough to work full time while trying to dissolve the majority of my adult life, including a household. Talking to Angie, I decided then and there that it was wise to follow her advice and try to come home. I cleared all the details for time off, timeframes and responsibilities for taking a partial unpaid leave and all that was left was to cross my fingers tight to find a somewhat reasonable flight with good connections, minimum time left wasted and one that would be financially affordable. A lot of boxes to be checked off and perhaps another challenge.
Mom continued to chatter away as I was trying to tell her that she would have to wait for her birthday present a little longer this year, and that I was going to hand deliver it. She never let me finish in her excitement and after the third attempt, I finally I told her that she had to listen up while I slightly raised my voice. She still talked while I, now for the fourth time, try to tell her that I’m coming home to visit. Somewhere along the line she must have heard something, and all of a sudden even though granted for only a brief second there was silence. Silence that was followed with the word “When?”. I laughed and so did she once I made mention that she finally, finally must have heard me. Geez what’s a girl to do, to finally be heard haha. Since I didn’t have the ticket yet or the exact date, she continued talking, business as usual, no word about my upcoming visit. Maybe I ran her over in surprise, maybe it’s just a typical response and feelings are mostly hidden and seldom shared from my mom’s side. It will take a few days of adjusting again once I’m home to cox her out, as everything about me is always about feelings and not holding anything back.
A short while later mom told me that she had to go get ready as the nurse would show up soon to tend to her feet. Mom receives daily care through house visits, plus she had a date with a castle in the afternoon. For today this was her priority and I was more than ok with it. We wished each other a happy birthday and I will talk to her next week when my own medical procedure will keep me housebound and away from the trail.
Throughout the day, thoughts from our conversation found their way back into my mind and I could feel a smile dancing across my face. It would be a great birthday celebration for both of us and for that time, however long it might have lastet, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I celebrated this special woman that gave birth to me and had such a tough life. Even across the miles and being far, far away, I felt closer to her then I have for many years and all I wanted was to be there and share that beautiful day with her. Any day and perhaps every day. Soon, hopefully I will. Later that day, a $499 round trip ticket found it’s way into my life, or I should say into the life of my best friend and the best planner and researcher there is. Unheard of and I don’t even remember ever flying that cheap. Perhaps once, 20 some years ago, and to top it off, it’s a great flight. Sacramento to Charlotte, Charlotte to Frankfurt Germany without long layovers and extra baggage fees. $499 all inclusive and almost too good to be true. The universe definitely aligned itself to make this possible and all there is left to say now, is….
Happy birthday…Mama, I’m coming home 💙
This song has accompanied me on every trip to Germany. It remains tradition, but I am happy that the meaning of the lyrics have somewhat changed for me and while some things still ring true, my relationship with my Mom is closer than it has ever been.
The wildflowers are popping up with new sightings everywhere from week to week. Due to the long lasting winter, we were off to a later than usual start, but Mother Nature seems to be working overtime to make up for it. One of my favorites are always the lupine wildflowers. From their unusual star shaped leaves to the various shades of light lilac to dark purples, they look like something out of a magical fairytale. I’m sure fairies live nearby and come visit these beauties daily.
We don’t always get to do what we love and sometimes we have to make due with whatever it is, that we have to do. I think we can all relate feeling stuck a time or two, but hopefully we found the opportunity to work towards changing our stars so we can enjoy the things that we love. We can always make changes and we are only stuck as long as we allow the things to keep us stuck. Maybe I’m naive or a dreamer but I believe that there is always a choice to be made.
It’s no secret that on my day off you will probably find me on the trail. Far from the crowds, I love the silence where I can hear myself think. Where often, there is no wifi connection and no important updates, messages and calls that need to be taken. For that day and for whatever time spent away, it is me who puts life on a little hold, even though it continues and goes on with or without my awareness. I’m simply not available.
Today is no different and I’m spending my birthday in the mountains in the hope of escaping the smoke from all the recent wildfires. The brown-grey mass is lingering like a band of thick fog in the sky and I hope to maybe get above it tomorrow to enjoy a better air quality and the view of my beloved mountains.
Have a beautiful day everybody. Xo 💙