I was going to write about something else initially and I know my friend Roda is anticipating a post about the second oracle card I drew for myself last Monday. Wow is all I can say and yes I’m leaving you hanging for yet another day my dear friend. Please forgive me my fairy sister, I’m in awe of the accuracy of the cards. 🦋 I’m not sure how it happens, but the readings have been spot on and I feel much loving energy towards that deck. As I am scheduling this post for the morning, I am a bit distracted tonight by things I won’t go into detail and perhaps it’s a good thing to back up a bit to better keep track of things in the line as they are happening. Several weeks ago I received a message from my cousin in Germany. My moms health and the concerns about it remain unresolved at this time. We have talked about going back to Germany on numerous occasions and eventually I see this happening even though the timeframe of when and how long are unclear at this time. I’m dreaming big right now and a yellow school bus, a life with less responsibilities and much freedom occupies my mind almost daily these days. While I know that only I can make these changes, I feel drawn to make them for various reason, including my health. The signs are strong and today another school bus showed up in the parking lot at work. Subtle messages appear daily, synchronicity – a wink from the universe is happening all the time. Yet, until a school bus life can happen, I need to dissolve a past life, a house that is slowly gaining back in value and which I might be able to sell soon without losing my bottom on it. Keep in mind that there is also another party involved that will have to agree to such which might get very expensive in the end for me and of which I don’t have all the answers yet.
Another step is Germany and my mom, assessing the situation, seeing what is best and ultimately abiding to her wishes for the remainder of her life. To hopefully make a difference for her in whatever time we both have as nothing is guaranteed and can change in a heartbeat. Although I’m fascinated by the life on the road, in a bus, traveling from destination to destination, my priorities lie with my mother and making sure she is taken care of.
I was tired last week and I still am. My BFF’s birthday was in June, but we never managed to talk on FaceTime. My schedule demands all day and with a nine hour time difference to Germany, it’s not always easy to arrange. Finally we set a time for me to call at midnight my time, which would be 9 AM German time. I’ve been up late the whole week and didn’t see a problem calling but the wait of course on that particular day ended up being torture as I felt unusually drained and nearly passed out at 10 PM. All of a sudden I was sooooo tired and wanted to go to bed, but that was not an option. Finally months later without talking, we connected, both tired, both with our hair sticking up from me nearly napping and her just getting out of bed. It was good to see each other, sleepy or not and like so many times before, I poured out my heart to her. She is an amazing person and I have known Angie since I was 16. It doesn’t matter how lost or worried I might feel, she always has the best insight and the best advice, even though she would claim the same about me. Trust me, she is awesome and sometimes I wonder if I can even convey to her in a sense of her understanding what a difference she is making for me. I always feel better after talking to her and her soothing energy is nurturing and calming to me. She talks with me and not at me, it’s a collaboration, a team effort, a time where plans are made to come true in the moments that lie ahead. I told her what my cousin said and I described the worries. I told her that I haven’t spoken to my cousin in weeks now as I simply have no answers and don’t know what to say. I mentioned the guilt I feel as all of this, such as taking care of my mom should lie with me, her daughter and not her sister and others. We talked about possible solutions, ideas and insight and she suggested for me to come home for a few weeks, for however long I can and assess the situation. I know she is right and I know I won’t make it home by Christmas like we had thought I might would to stay for permanent. I need time to juggle what needs to be taken care of and it’s difficult to do so while working full time and being exhausted. And yes the last vacation was in October of 2015 besides a few long weekends. I will have to find a solution for it in the future and there is always a way if there is a will.
This month will be hectic as well. Regional visit at work, dentist, birthday, pap, and colonoscopy, wow, mostly all fun (being sarcastic) things in that kind of order, that will put a kink into my time off. Besides the dentist and my birthday, I must say that I have come a long way given the fear and anxiety I used to have about going to the tooth fairy.
I was going to take some time off this month to relax, but after talking to my boss about potentially going to Germany, I cancelled my time off for now and I’m hoping to go home in September if the stars align. Home is home and yes it is a visit to where my roots lie, even though it will be difficult to discuss a few things and it’s hardly to be considered pleasure trip. And still I’m looking forward to seeing some amazing people, people that have been around me all my life such as Angie who gets me and is the most wonderful friend one could ever have. We have been through thick and thin and we are a prime example that best friends sometimes go a long time without talking, but we are always only a heartbeat away. ❤
And maybe I will have the opportunity to meet a very special blogging friend near my home if the timing allows for such.
Definitely an oldie but goodie with 80’s hair