I woke up to a gloomy day yesterday and today was not much different. I definitely lucked out and had the best days off. The days were filled with nothing but sunshine and free vitamin D. I felt like painting and the need to create was calling my name. I had an idea and the entire vision was laid out in my head. I can see the color scheme (black canvas, various shades of red, white, perhaps a little gray and a faint hint of light blue) and shapes filling the canvas until the end result of the projects dances joyfully in my mind. I like the various stages of creation and the fun process knows no limits to me. First comes the idea, a faint vision that may disappear if the idea is not strong enough and does not grab me, or the vivid, bold ideas that stay with me and allow me to see clearly what I want to transform into the end result. Here too and not just with travel or hiking, the destination (the end result) becomes the journey (the process of getting there).Unfortunately the idea will have to remain on the back burner until another time so I can make money to afford the house I’am always away from when making money. I feel a change in my near future and luckily the housing market is on the rise which opens opportunities not prior present. After spending so much money, adding some cool touches and customizing this house, it’s sad to imagine the day I walk away from it. I know it won’t be easy, but it’s something that needs to be done. For the first time in a long while the chances are improving to break even, to perhaps even make a little money on the sale and I feel I can no longer wait.
There are many factors driving this decision which are at the moment solely lying with me. I see the toll my job takes on me and not just myself so I can make ends meet and pay for my number one expenses such as this house. I have a choice to make and weigh my options, but at the moment I’m the only one willing to take a step towards improving the quality of my life. The unknown does no longer intimate or scare me as it did in prior years.
I have no immediate children to pass this house on to one day and what would I truly pass on. The debt and the remaining balance? I somehow don’t see myself paying all this off in the near future. I guess I could always win the lottery if I only start playing it. You see, chances are slim…
I know that the comfort and material bliss in this house has given me a sense of security, a price tag I now pay for in the form of my health deteriorating if I continue on this path. Is it worth it? The answer should be simple.
And to top it all off, some fun mail arrived from the mortgage company informing me that the loan is going to a variable rate for the remainder of its term that can change monthly. The current interest is 3.5% and going forward the payment can be as low as 3.5% but never exceed 19.9%. WTF, …ooops, sorry, but that must have been my initial thought and what came out of my mouth. Is is even legal and that must have been somewhere on the loan docs in super super fine print. So let me get this straight, you are saying that going forward I will never know on a monthly basis what my house payment is until I receive the statement? You are saying that my mortgage at the lowest end could be $ 1500 and at the highest end be $8528 variable from month to month? I don’t think so and if that’s the case, I have to put some things in motion to rid the sour taste your demands leave behind. Greed comes to mind and is it really life that makes it tough for people to succeed? Is it really a matter of “That’s life” or is it something else?
I know deep down it was the reason for my laboring workout in the backyard. To get things started, to get ready for presentation when the time comes. It won’t have grass but a clean slate to landscape to the new owners liking. I find myself doing this alone, with no help and my girlfriend brought up a good point the other day. It’s overwhelming as it is to consider a move overseas and knowing that I have built my adult life here. Responsibilities and obligations are one of the easiest things to keep me bogged down, to keep me here, stuck in the same rut and routine until the end of times. That’s what I meant yesterday as I said that I’m no longer on the sidelines allowing it to happen. It might take me longer, but it’s ok and so be it, I know that I will get there eventually. My priorities are changing and for the first time I’m thinking about myself and the quality of my life and what will actually prolong it. I have to eliminate stress, it’s that simple even though many equations fall into this subject.
Getting up yesterday morning I’m better than I thought I’ll be. Besides feeling the strain on the lower back from all the bending and pulling, I can move and will make it. I’m a little stiff feeling, but it’s merely a sign of the rust chipping off or old age as my sense of humor would chip in. My right knee is a little sore which I think comes from the cardio and the extra pressure placed on the joints. RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) is not always so forgiving about it and makes exercise tough sometimes. I should check into swimming more which is easier and less pressure. Especially now that my referral to a local rheumatologist has been denied. Maybe for the better.