The original doctor’s appointment was last Wednesday which I completely spaced. Definitely a first to be a no call no show and the little escapade costed me $30 in fees for not cancelling within 24 hours, on top of the $95 office visit. I guess there is a first for everything and so it was. Todays appointment was a follow up visit to my blood work after the recent vertigo episode. It was during that last visit that I met the nurse practitioner which I really liked and I will never see my original doctor again. She cared and took her time to go over details instead of making me feel like a number or a dollar sign. I liked her right away. I waited 2 hours before I got to see her today due to no fault of her. Of course she apologized profusely once she entered the room and trusted me enough to share some of her stresses. At the end of our visit, she gave me a hug, thanked me for listening and mentioned that she was glad that it was me who was her last patient today. I think I need to make Tiramisu for her 😉. I felt good about her words and the 2 hour wait time wasn’t all that bad anymore. I could make a difference for somebody today and that was all that mattered. She needed a ear and I was happy to listen and give her the patient perspective. 
The diagnosis of the blood work was a mixed bag, but brought a a few answers.
I’m still waiting on the rheumatologist to quit dragging his feet and schedule my referral appointment. I had given up seeing a specialist after the last ordeal of being placed on cancer medication, without my knowledge and without having cancer. The side effect are still something that gives me a hard time today, with some days being better while others are worse. But I also recently learned that having rheumatoid arthritis and leaving it untreated, puts me at double the risk of mortality vs. anybody else. I’m more likely to have a heart attack or stroke than others and it’s something to think about. 

Other news are that my blood is too thick (it needs to be thinned with a low dose aspirin daily now to prevent a heart attack or stroke caused from a blood clot) and my blood is too sweet (which would explain why everything wants to bite me). My blood pressure is elevated and I need to work on my cholesterol. I’m back on those statin meds I don’t want to take and just like before I’m motivated to get back on track and do my part to get better the natural way vs. the chemical way. I did over 20 minutes of cardio today and unless hiking, this will be something I have to ease back into due to the joint pain. My eating needs to change and I need to preserver and stick to it if I want to be around for awhile. 

After coming home from the doctor today, I talked to my lifelong girlfriend in Germany. A wise and kind soul who would tell me everything I already know (now) and who has seen this all come to terms way before me. Years ago during a time I couldn’t see or grasp everything that needed to happen just yet. She reminded me of prior talks when I asked for time, needing time while putting myself last and she reminded me today that the time has come and that things will never fix themselves. It was up to me to fix it, to take the initiative and to make it happen. I know and perhaps I always have, I just wasn’t ready. Am I now? 

I wish I could have hugged her through the screen and as I sit here and reflect, I know what an important person she is in my life and yet we talk so seldom. I know they say that good friends may go long periods without talking and despite of knowing that we are always there for each other, that somehow seems no longer acceptable. I want a bigger part of our friendship to dominate our time, more often and yet closer. 

Today while I re-focus and prioritize what truly matters, I remember a speech by Steve Jobs, an amazing man with an even greater vision. I hear his words and “I see you” and understand. You speak the language of what my soul longs for and I choose your wisdom to shape my future in inspiration. Let your message be a constant reminder and the advise that I can revisit whenever I’m tempted to stray. Your insight is strong and my life depends on it in many different ways.

Steve’s advise: 
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. 

Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice. 

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. 

They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

“You are a warrior and you got this”


7 thoughts on “Re-focus

  1. I’m so sorry to hear about your health issues. Sometimes we can make changes and move mountains that others never thought were possible. I am living proof. I was given an end date in late 2013. The fact I’m still walking around not only shocks my doctors, but demonstrates the power we have. Have faith in the face of all things my friend. Take care and God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Lily, I too believe that I can move some mountains. I need to be serious about it, don’t get sidetracked, stay persistent and most of all I need to make some work related choices as i believe all my issues are stress related that result in poor diet, too much work and too little time for the things that truly matter. I’m not giving up, I just needed to see what I already know in black and white I guess. No pain, no gain you could say.
      You are an inspiration to me and a warrior right besides me. I’m grateful our paths have crossed on here and just like you, I wish you all the best and carry you within my heart. I’m blessed to have a few special people tucked away in there and it is those that make all the difference in my life and who are my tribe without ever having to change who I am. Xoxoxo ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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