A dedication to my beautiful soul sister and friend Kamalini, you inspire me in ways you may never know…but I hope you do.
I was thinking about timing this morning and how it is everything. From the smallest of details to the biggest of decisions, timing can make or break a situation, alter our paths or have us take a directions we didn’t consider before.My passion for photography came to mind and how I have visited many places repeatedly, yet I find myself experiencing a different vibe with each time. Maybe due to changing seasons or perhaps my own frame of mind. I learned that my own perception depends on my infrastructure, how mentally stable I am and how strong or vulnerable I feel at the moment. Whether I have the upper hand with the ego or not.
In music, there has always been a variety of genres and I’m not set on one style. The type of genre that comes through my speaker depends on my mood, the vibe and once again the timing. And just like in photography, I might have listened to a same song numerous times, only to experience a different meaning with each time. It is those thoughts that provoked this post and what happened the other day as my dear friend Kamalini wrote a post about Lana Del Rey and her song “Ride”. I had heard it before and although a big fan of her voice and music, something different happened this time around.
I had never heard the lyrics in the sense I did that moment, so intense and pure. I remembered the first time I had heard the song and it was the melody which decided if I liked it or not. It was the melody who made the connection to the song, the melody deciding the overall vibe and how it made me feel. I had no lyrics written out in front of me and I had no video complimenting the vibe. Watching the video (a first) and seeing the lyrics in black and white with no chance of false interpretation had a different effect on me. It offered a new sense, it took me away to something strangely familiar, to something I could relate to. Perhaps some similarities to my own struggles, past and what is yet to come. But whatever it was, nevertheless I felt the pain between the lines as the song touched my heart. It reassured me that I was not alone and that others were relating in the same way, through their very own unique experiences, similar in vibe. And it was in that very moment that I felt once more closer to my beautiful friend, somebody I have never even met in person, but someone I am connected with through my spirit and my soul. It is something, a small wonder, that can’t be explained, but something you feel as it fills your heart.
The video stirred up memories of once upon a time dreams that never came to fruition, dreams diminished by circumstances and the wrong timing. It made me think of my current dreams, my much keener awareness and the importance of timing. I would have an advantage this time around in my new attempt of chasing my truths and shedding the values placed upon me from society. I would have enough knowledge and wisdom this time around to recognize the signs and make timing work in my favor in order to pursue the truths fit for ME. The empath within would have to rest and take a backseat for what might be the very first time in my life. The immediate future was about me, to save myself if I was to follow my passion to help others in similar situations. How good was I to anybody if it was me who was in need of saving?
“It takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it” a part of the lyrics resonating with me. I achieved everything in a material sense and career wise I could ever want, only to find myself on the brink of having to lose all material matter to lastly have everything I ever wanted. To stand my ground in believing that material wealth does not determine status. And if it does, you might consider the members of your tribe who place such importance on this. Do they really have your best interest at heart or is it just cool to hang with you because of your material wealth? Is it YOU who matters or the benefits you might bring to the relationship? For me less is more these days. It can lift a huge burden and I’m not afraid to lose it anymore.
“I was always an unusual girl” more lyrics resonating and nothing has changed. Sometimes a curse, or at least I used to think so in prior years. I learned to see it as a blessing and that there is nothing wrong with being unique. Who wants to be like everybody else, and what happens to your own identity? I feel comfortable with my progress and finding “My own shade of crazy”. Something not all will relate to but something most will yearn for at some point during their lifetime. It’s great to make others proud, but it’s another thing to constantly have the pressure of impressing others while losing yourself in the process. I no longer mind being the black sheep and it’s almost a proud badge I wear today. I enjoy being different and all I am aspiring to these days, is to be myself. I have learned to tap into this energy and to not be afraid to show that it’s OK to go against the grain. Independent of approval, for me it opened the door to a dangerous amount of freedom.
With recent events, I have written a lot about my journey lately, confiding my thoughts into this blog and outlet. Verbalizing and allowing it to guide me through the process, I believe in the person I ultimately want to become. I travel the same road but this time it is with intent and even timing will not stop me. My mind is open to the signs, as I allow them to lead me down the path I must travel in order to have it all.
I have always believed in the freedom of the open road. To “Ride” which has given me an even greater freedom and sense to be “One” in the form of riding on two wheels. I always thought my love for motorcycles to be inherited from my Dad, but today and thanks to this song and video I add my obsession and strong desire for freedom to this list. And lastly there is the war bonnet and I relate to it as a symbol to be strong, to fight for my beliefs, to be a warrior during dark times and to never forget to chase my dreams.
Picture of my Mom and Dad with his motorcycle
I am in touch with all of my darkest fantasies.
I am creating the life that allows me to experience them all.
I will not comply with letting my light be extinguished.
I am that fucking crazy.
I RIDE and I AM FREE.