Finally, Finding, Fall 🍁🍂

Hi everybody,

I’m sorry to leave you hanging just a little bit longer about my amazing adventure today. I was gone all day, almost eleven hours and I won’t have enough time to detail everything I would like to share with you. I don’t want to cut it short and I believe that haste creates waste, so please bear with me.

But as you can see, I finally found fall and for a moment I had thought I had missed the season all together. There is still some color left to the north of me which usually starts to show a little bit later and so I was in luck.

This picture reminds me of something I once read and I leave you with this thought until I put together the other pictures from today. You should definitely come back and check on the trail magic from today. I think you will like it 😉

Of all the roads you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt roads…..

 

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Chasing magic

Sorry for the silence today. I’m hitting the trail to chase some magic and hope to bring you some pictures later today 😉

Have a great day everybody. 

The path of the empath

So what exactly does it mean to be an empath you might ask and I wondered the same the first time I heard the word. I can’t remember how I came across it and it was probably a Facebook quiz I took just for fun, aren’t those hilarious at times, almost like reading the horoscope that can be a hit or miss and in the end you are left to believe what you want to believe anyways. However this one intrigued me in some sense and I vaguely remember googling the word to learn more about the subject which ultimately was describing myself. The article talked about the trademark of an empath and that they feel and absorb the emotions and feelings of others due to their high sensitivities. It could be a blessing or a curse if you don’t learn to center yourself from too many emotions which could leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Another trait was being attuned to people’s mood, good and bad. Taking on too much anger, anxiety and frustration could leave you feeling exhausted and balancing and centering yourself seemed to be the key.

Many empaths were also described as introverts, another statistic I found to be true for myself. Despite wanting to contribute and help others in any form possible, big crowds are usually not my thing. I’m not your cheerleader, jumping up and down kind of girl and it is peace and quiet that speaks to me for the most part at this point of my life. A place I nourish and recover from the hectic, a break away from it if you will.

The article described a higher developed form of intuition and boy did that ever hit the nail on the head. The gut feeling I had about situations and people, the things that nobody else seemed to see and the very things that made me question my sanity at times because I was standing alone, by myself. I saw the intentions that were hiding and I could predict the outcome with the true meaning behind the tactics and behaviors. Nobody saw it until it was too late, even though it seemed so crystal clear to me.

Further the article talked about empaths needing alone time and I think that’s true as well. While many are afraid to be alone, perhaps even stay in relationship out of fear of being alone, I didn’t mind having time to myself. I was fine not having to entertain and just letting my soul hang loose to do whatever, whenever and for however long I wanted to. Of course this would get old if it was always this way and as humans we are meant to interact with others, but I also believe in balance of such and there is nothing wrong with a little alone time.

Another thing that stood out was empath’s falling victim to energy vampires such narcissists. It mentioned them to actually do much more harm than just sucking the energy right out of you. Because of their lack of empathy it would leave an empath feeling unworthy and unloved. Other energy vampires to be considered are drama queens, the chronic talker and the victim. In particular the victim stands out as it is very draining to be around a person like this. The pessimist that has given up on everything and never can see the silver lining and would rather cling to the victim mentality. But then the drama queen and the chronic talker are pretty exhausting too, especially if you need a moment in your quiet place.

Empath’s are restored in nature it read and in a sense it gave understanding as to why I feel so at peace when I’m out on the trail. I always said that I go to nature to recharge my batteries and here it was written in black and white to confirm just that. I already knew without having read the facts.

Besides having highly tuned senses, the article also mentioned that the heart of an empath is often too big. Empath’s try to relieve the pain of others and it is natural for them to reach out to people. But empaths don’t stop there and instead they take it on, which can leave them feeling drained and exhausted even they were fine just a moment ago. Again it is balance and keeping yourself centered that is key in keeping a healthy relationship with your super powers as I call them. And while empaths have special needs, these abilities can be a gift, a blessing and sometimes a curse depending on the situation.

I wonder if you relate with some of these qualities and traits, if you have similar feelings or if this perhaps has shed some light on a few question marks. I definitely would love to hear about it.

Xoxoxoxo ❤️

Compassion beyond compassion

I have worked in a retail environment for all of my life. Reflecting back on my management career, its no surprise that like most things in life there are always pro’s and con’s. A pro I always loved was to help others, inspire in any way that I could, mentor people in their own path, teach and train, as well as pass on my experiences for the evaluation of providing bits and pieces that might be helpful in their own journey. The roles of store management all come with great responsibility on many different levels. Recently I have been reminded of the impact we have every day and while it’s not the financial side of the business I’m thinking about (not immediate, but down the road), it is a payoff that comes in the weeks ahead. I’m talking about the hiring and firing aspect of our jobs and I have seen many mangers taking that aspect of their job to a power struggle, believed to come along with your title. The human piece often lacks substance when it falls victim to the power of feeling superior over others. Luckily I have never found myself on that side of the fence and always viewed my position as a way to help people. I can use my title in a good way in the hopes of being a good role model, even in a savior aspect at times. You never know what somebody is going through, what life has thrown their way and you might just be the one that can help turn it around for the better.

The name of my game has been hiring, hiring, hiring with some pretty steep weekly goals. So if you need work, hit me up and chances are pretty good that I can find a spot that is perfect for you. Hey, plus we could work together 😉. But all jokes aside, this is not my first rodeo and I have hired many times before. Still something has changed and something has become more obvious to me. Perhaps I find myself in a different phase of my life and I should say that when you interview with me, you probably won’t find yourself in a typical job interview. I get why you are here, you need a job and my goal is to move beyond the basics. You can google all the perfect answers to a job interview and prepare for it, but I don’t care much about that because I want to get to know YOU. What are your beliefs, what makes you tick, what’s your pet peeve, strength, weakness, what do you do for fun and things like that. Needless to say it often catches people of guard because it is the formal interview template they expect. And while finding themselves in a total different scenario, it causes people having to open up a bit, while giving you the chance to see the true self and not just a robot that has studied the answers. This has provoked some very realistic life responses and an honest glimpse into the life and hardship of others. The misery and poverty, the real life problems and hardship. It has become so much more than just a job interview as I felt that in many cases I was the last straw of hope. Opening up about their struggles it became apparent that they had fallen on hard times and in many cases life had turned its back on them. Hard workers for sure, what was missing was somebody that would provide the chance, a fresh start if you will. The employer, the business would gain a great employee if only they were given the opportunity to prove it.

Over the past few weeks, I have met a few people like this and feel fortunate of being in a position to provide this chance needed. I have been touched by the stories and the pain associated with the struggle. I have seen tears during the interview process while breathing hope back into the my interviewees, and I have felt the pain these souls have endured. I have starred into the ugly faces and the aftermath of racism, what it can do to a person and the destruction that is left behind. I have spoken to parents fleeing their home state to provide a better life to their children who are bullied in school because they come from an interracial marriage. The list goes on and I’m proud to have these people on our team. I’m grateful to been given the opportunity to help and make a difference and I look forward to continue our journey as a team. 

I have hired people for many years and provided these opportunities before. And yet I have experienced something on a deeper level about myself with all of it’s pro’s and con’s. I am an empath and it is my deeper developed intuition that causes me to pick up on the struggles of somebody else and look beyond the face in front of me. It feels as if I can stare into the soul of the person, but it also works with people I never met. I feel it through the words and the writing and while not knowing any of the details, I get a pretty good idea about somebody and their intentions of doing good or bad in life. I’m still deciding if this is a blessing or a curse as it often leaves you standing alone and few see whatever it is you are picking up on. Whether it is a vibe, certain vibrations, the sparkle that seems to be lost in someone’s eye, a gut feeling…..whatever it might be that you are picking up on, I will continue to view it as a gift as long as I am in a position to make a difference. Because in the end it is all I could ever ask for and it is the highest reward I could ever reap. 

A warriors victory

Yesterday my friend at pattyspathtohealing reblogged one of my posts The Fight and I know that the words have meant a great deal to her. I feel honored, but most of all I am grateful to have come across Patty and learn more about the wonderful person she truly is. There have been tough times and while many of us endure struggle at some point of our lives, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain Patty had to experience. She is a Warrior Queen and strong, she is an inspiration and a fighter. 

Tonight I want to share a few more words dedicated to Patty and anybody that can find value in the message. Never give up, it only takes one day to completely change your life. Step by step….

She grips on to her balance as she watches and says nothing.

The silence screams within, for there is plenty to say,

if only someone would listen. 

There is a storm in her heart, and she fights the demons that haunt her, 

she fights for her voice to be heard.

She chooses her battles wisely, as not all are worth the fight,

and it’s peace and harmony she much rather live. 

But don’t be fooled by her calm and her gentle smile.

Don’t be fooled and abuse her soft nature,

for she is a fighter, for she is beautiful and strong.

She is a warrior and a warriors victory she will claim.

 

The fight…

Today I need a little reminder to continue to work towards my goals. To remind myself that it is me who creates the future and that it is me who will make it all happen. There will be no regrets to take a leap, only a few more pieces that have to fit into their rightful spot.
So put your war bonnet on and fight for what you believe in. After all “Life is short”

Rhapsody Bohème

A little inspiration and my mantra for today. Nothing comes easy or is a given. Today I remind myself to fight for what I believe in and marvel in the pursuit to uncover the true meaning of my purpose. I remind myself to make my dreams happen instead of waiting for them to fall into place. And most of all I remind myself to enjoy the journey and to not forget how to live,  for it is then that I truly feel alive.

Best to all…❤️

She has a quiet confidence that screams loud.

She is humble, but strong.

She is stable, but rebellious.

She is giving, but not naive.

She chooses her battles wisely.

She’ll stay silent until it’s time to fight and when that time comes,

she will fight and she will win.

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It’s raining Cats and Dogs….Hallelujah

It’s been stormy in my little corner of the world and the past few days have been filled with howling winds that stripped all the color off of my tree. On top of that it seems as if the flood gates have opened up and it’s been raining Cats and Dogs for days. It’s been awhile and we don’t get that much rain in the high desert, but Father Winter is around the corner and there is definitely a chill in the air and a few unpredictable mountain storms. Last night I fell asleep listening to the rain against my window pane and there is something so soothing about that sound. A feeling that reminds me of how I feel when napping next to a gurgling creek. If you ever had the chance to do it, then you know the one word that comes to mind, truly describing the moment and it is sheer…Bliss. Last night was no different, tucked into my cocoon I was listening to the rain and felt perfectly content while drifting off into dream land. I like to believe that is is where I go while sleeping although I seldom ever remember if and what I dream about. Waking up this morning, the sound was still there and it was still raining. Man, it’s raining Cats and Dogs I thought while getting ready for work. I heard this expression so many times before, but today it made me pause and I wondered where it originated from. Now curious I typed the phrase into the iPad to check what the Internet would have to say. You know “The net” knows everything and I mean everything. It’s quiet amazing to think of all the knowledge that we have at our fingertips, at our immediate disposal to be called upon whenever we feel like it.

Here is what my search returned. Raining Cats and Dogs may refer to a storm with wind (Dogs) and heavy rain (Cats). If it is raining Cats and Dogs it us raining unusually or unbelievably hard. 

Another literal explanation for raining Cats and Dogs is that during heavy rains in 17-century England some city streets became raging rivers of filth carrying many dead Cats and Dogs. 

I don’t like the second definition and I don’t even want to visualize a raging river like this, so I will go with the first definition. It fits my fairytale vision and dreamer state of mind much better and I rather imagine kitties and puppies falling from the sky to land softly in the arms of somebody to love. And this is how it has been over the past few days, not that puppies fell from the sky but it has been very windy with unbelievably heavy rains for this area. 

There was a little flash flood in the parking lot after work today and the sewers couldn’t absorb the water fast enough to keep the pavement clear. The freeway wasn’t much better with standing water puddles everywhere and cars hydro planning everywhere. Closer to my home which includes a tiny climb in elevation, it still was high enough to drive through a few clouds, only to be greeted by a few patches of rain that turned into snowflakes on the other end. To no surprise some invincible cars carrying their impatient drivers where still dashing by me, driving way too fast, not only putting themselves in danger but also everybody else. On my 20 some mile drive home I passed three accidents, probably due to speeding and I hope that other than bent and twisted up metal, nobody got seriously hurt. In Germany I learned that you can pretty much conquer most road conditions if you can take the time to take is slow enough, so please be careful out there. 

It’s chilly tonight and I will call on my fiend Mr. Cozy (the heater) in a moment and follow up with hot tea to settle in for the evening. After tonight the weather is suppose to clear up, even promising temperatures in the low 70’s for my next day off and I’m sure you can guess what is on my agenda. But for tonight I will take one more last look to the heavens and if the wind blows a puppy through the night sky towards my way, I will be sure to catch him or her and hold on very tight. 

Sweet dreams everyone….

My two loves Sparky & Nikki….RIP I love and miss you very much. 

Sparky…

It’s my day off and I can’t help but feel as if I missed the short season of Fall all together. The one time that I could have gone out, I was sick with the Vertigo episode and the other two weeks following just didn’t line up with the weather, tasks, or me not wanting to go by myself. It feels a little like life itself and it’s not just the season that passes but life as well and I recognize lost moments. 

A storm moved in last night with high wind warnings and my beautiful yellow leaved tree in front of the house lost most of it’s foliage overnight. I saw a rainbow outside and two tractor trailers that were knocked over by the wind on the freeway, while driving I might add. Scary and I always hurry passed a Semi on the freeway, especially in windy conditions. Once a sheet of ice flew off the side of a trailer and smashed onto my windshield. Luckily nothing happened, but the moment was very intense to say the least. It’s raining, which I love and I can hear the melodic rhythm of the wind chime swaying in the wind while competing with the hauling and the raindrops hitting my window. I’m cuddled up with a blanked, engulfed in one of my favorite activities, writing. I still need to do chores but not just yet, right now belongs to me.

A recent reminder made me think back to the first time that I started writing and it was towards the end of 2011. Sparky, my beloved pooch who was with me since the age of ten weeks, struggled to eat. There were complications such as arthritis, being on glucosamine for a few years, daily pain control meds amongst other normal life challenges such as old age. It was November the 15th and I knew that my overnight shift at work would start in a few short weeks. I scheduled a vet visit in the hopes that somebody could help Sparky to feel better. My time would be limited to provide extra care for him and you could clearly see that he was not his old spunky self anymore. He was twelve years old and I could see the pain in his eyes and in every movement that provided a huge challenge as his legs simply gave out at times.

Sparky never came home that day and I had to say goodbye to my best friend, somebody that was more like a child to me vs. being just a pet, that he never was. It was a hard reality to grasp and honestly it never even crossed my mind that this could happen. Or did it, was it me who wasn’t ready to accept it as my truth? Perhaps I dismissed the thought into a state of unaware bliss, the uncertain where hope was residing and it wasn’t a state that was so final. He was so exited of going for a ride in the car and from little on he would sneak into the car if you left the car door open, ready to go for a ride. And here I was, unaware that it would be our last ride together and that I would have to drive back home alone in tears.

Shortly after that I started to write and it was like an outlet for me. I found little relief elsewhere and I remember a coworker at the “Ugly Beauty store” dismissing Sparky’s death by casually saying “Well life has to go on”. True, as it always finds a way and as it always does, but definitely not something that helped me at the moment, or something that I wanted to hear. I was filled with emotions of pain and words were left unspoken, as if things were searching to find their way to escape my heavy soul and jump right onto paper. I wrote for a long time and got lost in the feeling to overcome and to forget. It worked and the idea of writing a book was born. A book about my personal experiences and my journey in life, the highlights and the struggles. Surely there had to be others with similar experiences, others needing to feel that they were not alone, including me. 

After all, my subject matter was something I knew a lot about and naturally you would think that it should have flown easily and be a piece of cake. But that wasn’t so and in hindsight I know I was too critical of everything. I was overthinking it from the beginning to the end. Where would I start and how should the order of events unfold, were all common questions. It had to make sense without losing my readers (if I would have any) and I guess it was the perfectionist in me that wanted it to be a certain way. Eventually I stopped writing because I drove myself nuts and wasn’t happy with how things progressed. I kept constantly correcting myself and it felt as if I couldn’t make any progress for the life of me, when in all reality it was a part of the journey and a part of the progress, but I couldn’t see that then. I spent so much time on it and reading it now, I feel that most of it is not all that great. I wonder if it’s my critical nature and the high expectations that I place on myself who are paying me a visit and if the day will come when I look back at my current writing and might feel the same way.  

I look back knowingly aware of the lessons learned from these experiences and I believe I have grown because of it. At least I would hope that I did as much pain was associated with those times. Today I know that things don’t always have to be perfect and life itself is the greatest teacher by allowing us to see how messy it can be at times. So if it’s not life that is expecting us to be perfect, I look at myself and have to realize that it was me who put most of the pressure onto myself. In my mind it had to be perfect, but in reality nobody is perfect, nor does life expects us to be and we are all flawed in our own way. It feels as if I was in pursuit of something non existent, something impossible to attain.

Just the other day I was contemplating the direction of my blog and I’m glad that I finally just went for it. Without the what if’s and how it should be, I had taken the most important step, I took the plunge and got started. It’s not perfect and it never will be, but it’s from the heart and therefore I could never go wrong. There is passion invested and I found purpose in writing that makes me feel good. Besides being blessed to have met so many amazing people on here. Some of my subjects are darker and it is for that very reason of life not always being perfect. Once again, writing serves as an outlet, to free my mind when I can’t be in nature and to share my experiences with you. I’m grateful for the people that have allowed me to do so and that continue to take the time to read even the sad stories, leaving their heartfelt comments for me. It requires involvement, compassion and looking beyond. It takes time to digest the subjects and a willingness to acknowledge our human struggles. Thank you, it means more than you know….

I guess the lessons that I learned here are not to be too critical of ourselves. Sometimes we just need to go for it and perfection is often a status we self inflict. The way we feel about ourselves is not always dictated by the actions and the behavior of others, nor is our happiness dependent on others. We already have everything we need inside of us and we are the ones to make it happen instead of sitting there waiting for somebody to miraculously do it for us. It can’t be done by others and it will never happen this way, so you might as well get yourself a snickers bar if that is what you are waiting on. And who cares how good it is, if it’s perfect or not, what’s more important is that it gives us the meaning and the sense of having contributed. Sparky taught me that we can’t hold on to some things or to somebody for selfish reasons as it only prolongs their suffering in most cases. I learned a lot from my four legged fur baby and that very night on November the 15th after being back at home consoling Nikki, my other pooch, I believe Sparky came to visit us once more. 

To be continued…

Missing Fall

Still thinking about fall and hope I get another chance to see some color next week. Temperature wise we will get another little warm up but the wind and rain over the next three days may rip all leaves from the trees. 

Fingers crossed and here are a few of my favorites from previous years. 

Beauty beyond looks

I always try to look for the lesson that is to be learned. I believe in the good and search for the silver lining in the most difficult of times while believing that I am an optimist at heart. That doesn’t mean that I like the tough moments any more than the next person, but I believe in the power of choice and how I react to those times is up to me. Memories of “The ugly Beauty Store” have been resurfacing since I finally took the time to write about it. I say “finally” because I carried it around with me for too long, trying to deal with it on my own while finding my way back to myself. I was lost for awhile and  writing about it was a way to get it off of my chest and find a certain level of relief. 

But not everything during my time there was all that bad, it never is and it actually taught me a lot about human interactions and human behavior. Some of it was an eye opener and some of it I just couldn’t relate to. Considering that my job fell into the category of working in a retail environment, I always thought that it was so much more than that. Sure you could buy an outfit or whatever speaks to you and feel pretty darn good about it, but this was different. I encountered many women who had formed a certain stigmata about this place I called my work. I could see the intimidation to set foot inside this high end beauty leader, maybe there was a lack of confidence, a sense of not belonging there, of not being pretty enough, being worthy, perhaps a feeling of being out of place. After all, the employees were a vision of beauty (to the clientele) with their perfect make up and artistry skills, perhaps a vision the customer was aspiring to but was afraid to ask for help. If they did it would have to mean an admittance of being in need for help, not knowing how to apply that fierce cat eye which in return could expose vulnerability followed by judgement. So many hid behind the PC screen watching you tube tutorials instead of seeking human interactions for tips and advice. I always felt very sad about this and I was always committed to show the ones that ended up at the store a good time by making them feel good about themself and by thanking them for their trust.

I was very aware of the feelings my clientele was having and I could relate to the courage that was required to come into my store. It was always my mission to squish those feelings, to teach that there could be confidence without conceit and it was the sole reasons why this was so much more than a retail job to me. It was an opportunity to empower another woman or man, to make a difference in their life, to teach and train a variety of techniques, but most of all to make them feel good about themselves and give confidence where there had been a lack. Those were the moments I cherished but of course there were also the ones that walked in, so full of themselves and who had taken their confidence to an entirely different level crossing into the realm of arrogance. The ones that believed to be “All that” and treated everybody around them as their servant. My pet peeve I might add and in my humble opinion nobody is better than the next person. Some of us are just more fortunate in various ways and should have a bigger responsibility to help the ones that are not, instead of using the often inherited power to become self righteous and entitled. But that subject deserves an entirely post on its on.

During my time working at the “Ugly beauty store” it became apparent how tough we are as women amongst each other. I’m not sure what happens to our motherly, nurturing ways and where they have gone to hide. I learned that jealousy, envy and competition are closely related to each other and it wasn’t a friendly competition I might add. I remember a beautiful woman walking into my store one day. She was humble and kind, not the self righteous, nose up in the air type. Right away I noticed some of the looks of my employees and while in their mind they had to acknowledge this beauty, they also were searching for ways to cut her down, discredit her wardrobe by looking for any fault they could find. Maybe it was a little too revealing even though if they could have pulled it off, I’m sure they would have worn that same outfit. Somehow she was viewed as a threat, a someone that was prettier (in their sad but insecure minds….I say sad because something perhaps out of their control may have lead to that) and therefore automatically became the enemy. Maybe it was this and maybe it was that….nonsense all together if you ask me. I remember helping her and the thought of her being a threat to me never crossed my mind. She was beautiful and I felt a compliment was due and that is exactly what I did. Compliment her. Her face lit up as I did, even though she initially seemed a bit surprised. It lead me to believe that it probably was not the typical response she was getting and perhaps she was more used to the looks that were lingering on the faces of my employees. I too had things that I wanted to change about my appearance, and ladies are we truly ever happy with our looks? We can aspire in a good way but with goals that can empower and lift each other. I never felt jealous or envious of this gorgeous beauty standing in front of me and our interaction was genuine and real. However I have noticed that many women feel the need to dismay and cut down another women. As if it is a way to feel better about themselves and it is a problem. I might open up a can of worms here and by no means is this a one fits all scenario. It merely resembles my own experiences and the pain I felt of others not being able to relate to me. How could I have said those nice things they might ask while I ask if it is really that hard to pay a compliment? Are we so insecure in our own skin that we turn to envy, jealousy and competition in the hopes it will make us feel better. I struggle to understand and can’t side with it if it means that we have to degrade another being, to discredit them, only so we can empower ourselves. How could we ever find beauty in that? I never seen men do that and I don’t know why we do that as women. I realize the pressure society places on us about what the ideal woman is suppose to look like is not helping. Judgment isn’t either and it’s just another form of poison.

We still have the power of choice and we can envy somebody in the right context, maybe a little jealousy can even spark our own motivation to create a little friendly competition. Anything else is destructive and demeaning, leaving a bad taste in my mouth. Looks are skin deep and while we may look perfectly on the outside with our fancy make up, it is our actions that convey the true beauty of our hearts.

My challenge is to try this on, each and every day and to take the time, as it only takes a moment. Do you remember the last time you paid somebody a compliment? I know you remember how good it feels when it happens to you and it feels equally good to give one, you might just make somebody’s day by paying it forward 😉

I hope you share your thoughts with me and I would love to hear about them. I know it’s not going to be the most popular subject, but I know many have experienced this with great pain before. 

Together we can change the world and humanity for the better, one person at a time ❤️ Thank you for reading and visiting.