I can’t help but sit here and think that I missed out on a great adventure today. Somehow it weighs heavy on my heart and I turn to writing to get it off my chest. Perhaps it is because I am not happy with how I am spending my two days off, even though I love to be at home, (a cancers castle) which also allows me to write and connect with you. Yesterday morning, my first day off, I woke up to a violently shaking and spinning room. It happened as soon as I opened my eyes and immediately it made me sick while I was frantically trying to focus on something in the room to make it stop. I succeeded eventually which seemed like it lasted forever and I was left scared and exhausted of what had just happened. I just laid there for a few minutes before I found the courage in attempting to move. I had never felt anything like this, nothing with such intensity and after some research I found that it could be an ear infection I’m dealing with that threw my sense of balance off by leaving me feeling vertigo. I didn’t feel good for the rest of the day and hardly ate anything. The constant headache, breaking out in hot and cold sweats while feeling that my brain was in a fog definitely signaled that something was a bit off. I slept off and on throughout the day and I think it was probably the best I could do while not feeling well. Just sleep it off if you will and if you can.
Nighttime came and I was afraid to go to bed. Still dizzy at times, I feared to wake up in the same fashion and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible by putting my worries to rest. Not an easy thing to do as I would have no control over the spinning. Finally tired and worn out, I fell asleep. I woke up this morning feeling better but not a 100% and so I decided to stay at home vs. going for a hike. The mind won but the heart felt sad.
As I sit here, staring out the window I am transfixed on the wind playing with the last green foliage. A few survivors from a summer already past, making room for another season to bring a new colorful blanket to our world. A fall blanket I was hoping to find today in what seems to be the last day in the 80’s. My last day off anyways. Perhaps for awhile, perhaps until next season. While watching the leaves glisten and shine in the sun I can’t help but yearn to feel that very sunlight on my face. It was a battle between the heart and the mind and I find myself torn between the logical and what my heart desires. I know it was the right decision to stay at home, to get better and yet I can’t ignore the call of nature and the feeling of that I missed out.
Maybe a little retail therapy will help and I order a little something from the catalog hahahaha. Spending time on a work related project I had to bring home is not doing the trick for me on this one, even though I will have to complete that before tomorrow and before getting back to work.
Catalog therapy takes me back home to my childhood and my Mom. She never got her drivers license and after my Father’s death, it left us pretty restricted, not only with shopping, but really with anything as far as escaping the house. And so we ordered from the catalog that would offer pretty much anything from fashion to housewares and domestic items. Oh yeah and jewelry, definitely my Mom’s passion.
Growing up in Germany with so many fashion capitals such as Paris, London and Milan close by, I always loved clothing. My closet still suffers from my passion for it today but I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t mind to go camping, lie down in what others may consider dirt and breaking a nail is definitely not the end of the world. I can adjust to the mood and the vibe, the occasion and the moment and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can be the girl next door, your buddy in crime or clean up nicely if the occasion calls for it. But no matter who I will be for that day, you will always find me in every situation.
I remember studying the catalog with my Mom, folding page corners to mark precious finds or wishful dreams of owning such treasures, and eventually narrowing it down leaving some folded pages for another time, another order to be filled after saving more money. And then the order was sent off and with it came the wait, the anticipation for the package to arrive, to open it, reveal the bounty and to finally try it on and model the amazing finds. It makes me smile to think back to those times as I realize that I still do this today, but it also makes me sad that it is not my Mom who is in the audience to watch the spectacle unfold these days as we live in different countries now. I miss her and perhaps a little catalog therapy will bring me a little closer to her today and help me distract myself from my missed adventure. Better yet, I think I will call her to hear her voice and to tell her that I love her.
And perhaps afterwards I will marvel in a few pictures from my last hiking adventure in nature to share with you a few special moments from my end of the world….until next time.
I hope you enjoy….
Pictures from last Friday and one of the many favorite hiking places I have. This one is only an hour from my house and there must definitely be a feel good kind of vibe Vortex that resides within that place. ❤️