Working the closing shift has pro’s and con’s, but I do enjoy the quiet before jumping into my hectic retail life. To ease into the day, fix my cup of coffee and cuddle myself on the couch for a little while. It’s almost like a ritual, a sacred time that I use to interact with the world and with YOU, who have become such a big part of my life.As I sat there it came to mind that I had always enjoyed writing. As a kid, or perhaps as a teenager I should say, I always kept a diary. Preferably one with a lock to keep my thoughts, sorrows and fantasies a secret. The swooning over a boy, the heartache of being a wallflower without being noticed, the first kiss or some other wild adventure my Mom probably would have not approved of. I would say that I was a good kid (weren’t we all) but just like anybody else, I did have a few stories. The first experiences, the first heartaches and the first encounters with the ego which back then was nothing more than a stranger I couldn’t recognize but who was already trying to keep me hostage.
I mainly used the diary to help me feel better, to write down things that bothered me and there was always a certain amount of relief when I did so. Now years after, they were safely locked away while being locked into a cosmetic case at my moms house. Double locked as if they needed top secret protection. They didn’t, but I probably would have been embarrassed if my Mom got a hold of them. I pulled them out last year as I went back to Germany to visit and I noticed that I missed to record most of the happy times. There had to been some, right? The pages were mostly filled with despair in order to get problems off of my chest and I sensed the cry for relief of finding hope between the lines. The diary never answered back but it made me feel better.
After many years and well into my adult life, I started to write again in 2011. So much time had past but I never made the connection as to why I wrote. Maybe it was just the cool thing to do back then and it was hip to have a diary, maybe I saw one of “the popular” girls have one and I followed. I never knew and in either way, writing never held a grudge about me abandoning it for so many years. Besides the need of getting things off of my chest, there was a difference though and I wasn’t writing to lock everything away. I wanted to share my experiences and there was a need to help, a need to be heard. I dedicated much time to the journey but as life often does, it dragged me away and kept me so busy that I lost track. I stopped writing and while the pages remained a part of my journey, they only collected dust these days and went for the most part unnoticed. Kind of like the pages double locked in my cosmetic case.
Five years later I’m back, once again, with more wisdom, more experiences and a deeper journey to finally arrive, find my purpose and become whatever I’m meant to be. I’m still figuring it out but it definitely had required being a warrior in the process of it. I came across WordPress and I’m humbled by the people that I have met so far. To read your stories and to see that we share a common ground as to why we write. Whether it is to share and find relief, to confess to a stranger that doesn’t know us and won’t judge us, or to be a voice for others, to share our journey and to let others know that they are not alone, to inspire and provide hope in dark times, to feel a sense of belonging, to find our spot amongst society, to contribute and feel valued, or to simply be heard. I know that there are many more reasons but whatever your reason may be, you should know that you have made a difference for me. I thank you for being you and for your stories that have inspired me beyond words. I know that this time around, I’m here to stay in the pursuit of sharing my own story and in my dream of becoming a writer full time. I remain in the hopes to inspire and to help someone along, maybe to bring a smile to your face or to let you know that you are not alone. I couldn’t ask for anything more and it makes me happy to know the great company I find myself in. Thank you ❤️