Posted in Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival, Wisdom

Dear Diary…

Working the closing shift has pro’s and con’s, but I do enjoy the quiet before jumping into my hectic retail life. To ease into the day, fix my cup of coffee and cuddle myself on the couch for a little while. It’s almost like a ritual, a sacred time that I use to interact with the world and with YOU, who have become such a big part of my life.As I sat there it came to mind that I had always enjoyed writing. As a kid, or perhaps as a teenager I should say, I always kept a diary. Preferably one with a lock to keep my thoughts, sorrows and fantasies a secret. The swooning over a boy, the heartache of being a wallflower without being noticed, the first kiss or some other wild adventure my Mom probably would have not approved of. I would say that I was a good kid (weren’t we all) but just like anybody else, I did have a few stories. The first experiences, the first heartaches and the first encounters with the ego which back then was nothing more than a stranger I couldn’t recognize but who was already trying to keep me hostage.

I mainly used the diary to help me feel better, to write down things that bothered me and there was always a certain amount of relief when I did so. Now years after, they were safely locked away while being locked into a cosmetic case at my moms house. Double locked as if they needed top secret protection. They didn’t, but I probably would have been embarrassed if my Mom got a hold of them. I pulled them out last year as I went back to Germany to visit and I noticed that I missed to record most of the happy times. There had to been some, right? The pages were mostly filled with despair in order to get problems off of my chest and I sensed the cry for relief of finding hope between the lines. The diary never answered back but it made me feel better. 

After many years and well into my adult life, I started to write again in 2011. So much time had past but I never made the connection as to why I wrote. Maybe it was just the cool thing to do back then and it was hip to have a diary, maybe I saw one of “the popular” girls have one and I followed. I never knew and in either way, writing never held a grudge about me  abandoning it for so many years. Besides the need of getting things off of my chest, there was a difference though and I wasn’t writing to lock everything away. I wanted to share my experiences and there was a need to help, a need to be heard. I dedicated much time to the journey but as life often does, it dragged me away and kept me so busy that I lost track. I stopped writing and while the pages remained a part of my journey, they only collected dust these days and went for the most part unnoticed. Kind of like the pages double locked in my cosmetic case. 

Five years later I’m back, once again, with more wisdom, more experiences and a deeper journey to finally arrive, find my purpose and become whatever I’m meant to be. I’m still figuring it out but it definitely had required being a warrior in the process of it. I came across WordPress and I’m humbled by the people that I have met so far. To read your stories and to see that we share a common ground as to why we write. Whether it is to share and find relief, to confess to a stranger that doesn’t know us and won’t judge us, or to be a voice for others, to share our journey and to let others know that they are not alone, to inspire and provide hope in dark times, to feel a sense of belonging, to find our spot amongst society, to contribute and feel valued, or to simply be heard. I know that there are many more reasons but whatever your reason may be, you should know that you have made a difference for me. I thank you for being you and for your stories that have inspired me beyond words. I know that this time around, I’m here to stay in the pursuit of sharing my own story and in my dream of becoming a writer full time. I remain in the hopes to inspire and to help someone along, maybe to bring a smile to your face or to let you know that you are not alone. I couldn’t ask for anything more and it makes me happy to know the great company I find myself in. Thank you ❤️

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

7 thoughts on “Dear Diary…

    1. Awe thank you so very much for your kind words, you totally made my day and I am sending this one right back to you and hope you already know how awesome you are. I’m glad we ran across each other and I love to read your blog and learn more about you.
      Thank you again. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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