My “Journey” had become somewhat of a lonely path. Well, I’ll take that back and maybe I shouldn’t go to the extreme of saying lonely, but it was definitely one that was experienced mainly in solitude and by myself. I couldn’t explain some of the feelings I was experiencing but I didn’t get hung up on that too much. While I was spending time to analyze what was going on, I wanted to be aware as well and go with the flow of how life was unfolding itself for me. The time was “Now” and I knew that I was forging a path that would speak to my soul and leave conventional traditions behind. I didn’t know what had become so wrong with conventional tradition, but I was ready to make some traditions of my own. My life felt like a rebellion to my very existence and it wasn’t for the rebellion sake, but for the sake of finding a greater meaning. For the sake of changing an existence into a life worth living. Some days were full of experiences, only to find days and weeks ahead with nothing happening. It was as if life was giving me time to process everything and to prepare me for my next lesson. I was excited and motivated as I traveled this new path and I wanted to share my experience. There had to be others and perhaps it was confirmation that I was looking for myself while giving inspiration to the ones that were traveling behind me to keep going. But almost every time it felt as if people couldn’t relate with what I was experiencing, I was in uncharted waters myself and decided to keep to myself. Why make others feel uncomfortable when it was hard to make sense of things myself?
There was an abundance of wisdom that I seemed to have acquired overnight, but looking at it closer, I know that it took many experiences and years to form such. Now, it was merely that all of the pieces where falling into place to find their rightful home within my life. It was progress and it was not to be rushed. Like all good things it would take time and like a bystander I had a front row seat to watch it all unfold. There it was again, that out of body experience as if I was observing the reveal of my own life. It was up to me to make sense of the signs and to learn the lessons it was to bring. And one of the biggest and most important factors I found, it was up to me what my frame of mind was going to be. How I would interpret what was to come, was I going to love what was next, would I celebrate and feel achieved or would I get hurt and end up bitter?
I didn’t spend much time on social media anymore and status updates fell to the way side. I tried to check in on friends and family to stay somewhat connected and to comment onto their life happenings, but I’m sure I must have come across as aloof, maybe even self absorbed as if I didn’t care anymore. Of course that was not the case, but it was also the perception that might have rung truth with some people. I felt a distance, as if my life had become a little more un-interactive with others. Since I had nothing to say and to share on the pretend life of social media, perhaps there was not much to be shared with me. I was dedicating much time to writing and most days were filled jotting my thoughts into words. My art, my paintings and my photography took a backseat these days and while I still shot pictures, they mainly stayed on the memory card of my camera unless they were pictures involving Rhapsody Bohème.
People must have thought that I had gone nuts, talking about spiritual awakening, vortex healing, the power of now, my new found interest in Buddhism and the bohemian lifestyle. Heck, I even created and visualized my inner warrior, perhaps my alter ego wearing a Native American headdress in the fight of creating the life I envisioned for myself. The war bonnet was my symbol to be actively involved in the creation process instead of letting life pass me by. In a way it felt as if too much of that had already happened and I needed to fight and stand up for my new found beliefs. Fantasy, role play or motivation to hold on to, who knew why and how this piece was going to make sense. It spoke to my spirit and it didn’t matter all that much, without resisting to intervene I was more than just being along for the ride. I was my own motivation in the pursuit of matter and the freedom of my uncaged spirit.
I am Rhapsody Bohème, warrior and creator of my life….