When the past has nothing new to say

Life provides plenty of experiences good and bad, moments that turn into memories to lift our hearts or haunt us in our dreams. We marvel in the beauty of recalling those special moments and a smile graces our face. But wait was that all….wouldn’t that be great….In all honesty we have to admit that there are also the not so pleasant moments that we contemplate over and over? The regrets that creep into our mind and keep us up at night.

Luckily I never dwelled much on the past and it was what it was. I learned from it and I might even do some things differently if I had the chance to do them again, but I also learned to give myself credit. I was forgiving of what I might viewed as a mistake in later life and I knew that I had done the best to my ability. I decided on the best choice given the wisdom and resources I had at the time. And still from time to time I found myself wondering about that famous “What if”. A game to entertain or torture the mind that always has the same outcome and nothing ever changes. We reminisce about what could have been, how our lives could have turned out if we only had….????
After life jolted me awake and blessed me with what I called “My journey of transformation” it came to mind that something had changed. I realized that I was no longer interested in my past and it no longer had a hold over me. It was exactly what it needed to be “The past” and it became clear that it would never have anything new to say. I felt free as if a burden was lifted and I wondered what the purpose had been in contemplating the same outcome over and over? Was it a pick me up that I had been after to cheer myself up, or was it self torture I was looking for? I don’t know but I was ok with leaving it without any further thought of residing in that state. I was no longer interested in my past and while I held on to the special moments, I waived goodbye to the self destroying, unhealthy moments that had haunted me.

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