Posted in Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Questions Galore

Here it was again and that “Something” from the other day had seemingly taking over my life. There was no shortage of questions and my mind was racing and kept me occupied over the next few days. Question after question entered my mind at dizzying speeds and without lingering long enough to even stand the chance to be answered.What was I here to do on earth and with my life? Was I living a purpose driven life? Was my life all that it was suppose to be? Was that it or was there more to life? Had I accomplished what the world was expecting of me and did I turn out to be the successful person I was meant to be? Was I fulfilling my lives destiny… wait a minute, where did I hear that and who decides that anyways?

It was exhausting to say the least and with no answers, I just sat there staring off into the distance as if some message would miraculously start floating towards me. My mind was racing from one thought to another, coming full circle and returning back to it’s originating question that had started the whole chaos. Still no answers but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something felt incomplete, something vital, something that was unfulfilled. I’m talking about the stuff that dreams are made off, the inspiration that gives us hope and propels us forward. The things that make us truly feel alive, instead of just living in existence. I mean that special little “Something” that feeds our soul with magic and a meaning that is so much greater than ourselves. You know what I mean.

I didn’t know what had caused the sudden change and what triggered those feelings, but for sure there had to be more to life then just working and paying the bills day after day, only to repeat over and over for weeks, months and years. For almost half of a century, I had chased the ideals, principles and values ingrained into me from little on. Growing up in Germany I had inherited a strong work ethic, but it often placed me last while giving my job priority and more than I had at times. I was eager to please and exceed the ever growing demands that society had placed and invested in me. And not once did I think that there was something wrong with it. I was used to hard work and working my way through the ranks. Until now that was, and it felt as if I was finally waking up from that deep sleep that had stretched over all of my life. I was ready for a change and I wanted to surrender to the idea of what could be. To dare letting my life unfold in front of my eyes and to find myself utilizing unconventional manners, away from what I had been taught, away from the reality I had lived all of my life. Who’s reality was it anyways, who’s principles and values was I living? Did I have any of my own and if so what were they and who was I?
And so this paintings came to be and it is one of my very first ones and also one of my favorites to date.

And as you can see I just had a lot of those ????????????????? during that time.


Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

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