Here it was again and that “Something” from the other day had seemingly taking over my life. There was no shortage of questions and my mind was racing and kept me occupied over the next few days. Question after question entered my mind at dizzying speeds and without lingering long enough to even stand the chance to be answered.What was I here to do on earth and with my life? Was I living a purpose driven life? Was my life all that it was suppose to be? Was that it or was there more to life? Had I accomplished what the world was expecting of me and did I turn out to be the successful person I was meant to be? Was I fulfilling my lives destiny… wait a minute, where did I hear that and who decides that anyways?
It was exhausting to say the least and with no answers, I just sat there staring off into the distance as if some message would miraculously start floating towards me. My mind was racing from one thought to another, coming full circle and returning back to it’s originating question that had started the whole chaos. Still no answers but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something felt incomplete, something vital, something that was unfulfilled. I’m talking about the stuff that dreams are made off, the inspiration that gives us hope and propels us forward. The things that make us truly feel alive, instead of just living in existence. I mean that special little “Something” that feeds our soul with magic and a meaning that is so much greater than ourselves. You know what I mean.
I didn’t know what had caused the sudden change and what triggered those feelings, but for sure there had to be more to life then just working and paying the bills day after day, only to repeat over and over for weeks, months and years. For almost half of a century, I had chased the ideals, principles and values ingrained into me from little on. Growing up in Germany I had inherited a strong work ethic, but it often placed me last while giving my job priority and more than I had at times. I was eager to please and exceed the ever growing demands that society had placed and invested in me. And not once did I think that there was something wrong with it. I was used to hard work and working my way through the ranks. Until now that was, and it felt as if I was finally waking up from that deep sleep that had stretched over all of my life. I was ready for a change and I wanted to surrender to the idea of what could be. To dare letting my life unfold in front of my eyes and to find myself utilizing unconventional manners, away from what I had been taught, away from the reality I had lived all of my life. Who’s reality was it anyways, who’s principles and values was I living? Did I have any of my own and if so what were they and who was I?
And so this paintings came to be and it is one of my very first ones and also one of my favorites to date.