I was in my forties when I first started to question my life. Everything I had come to know over the years seemed foreign and no longer effective. I felt a void, a big empty hole and “SOMETHING”, whatever that might have been, just didn’t feel right anymore. My life was consumed with day to day tasks and chores begging to be accomplished but yielding little to no joy. Boring and downright stagnant, mundane at it’s best, I was stuck in a routine. I felt tired of the daily rut, with weeks, months, yes even years going by with little change. What remained were not enough special moments to look back onto and too few memories that truly made me feel alive. Everything became a blur of wasted time, missed opportunities and life had become predictable. Somewhere along those lines I lost the concept of time and working towards a goal. I merely existed while contributing my part to society like a well programmed robot. I don’t know how long I was stuck in this trance-like state of mind without ever realizing how lost I really was. Always on somebody else’s clock with never enough time for what I would consider a healthy work-life balance. I didn’t know any different and therefore accepted that it was part of life. I didn’t question how lucky I was if I managed to squeeze out a little time for myself. How could I, I wasn’t even aware and conscious of what was going on. It was just the way it was.
But then, that “SOMETHING”‘changed and I was unable to pinpoint what was missing, what needed to change and what I should even search for. All I knew was that at some point over the past weeks, months and years, I had begun to question just about everything.
I questioned if I had allowed myself to dream all this time or was I finally just waking up from a life long state of dreaming! What had changed for my perception to shift? As questions were left unanswered, one thing did suddenly hit me and like a freight train it became painfully obvious….
… that with the speed of a bullet train, my life was heading into nowhere….